Is this sentence well written?

Anon native english speaker here.

I’m playing a game that gamifies life, and I’m creating an item that stands for coke (Coca~Cola). I want it to be rpg-ish, so I wrote this:

“‘Whomever layeth sight upon this vial shall see the true colour of one’s soul’, say the elders. No wonder it’s all black.”

I really want to learn more, and I tried to adventure into this after reading some of Poe’s stories.

Answer

Your sentence “‘Whomever layeth sight upon this vial shall see the true colour of one’s soul’, say the elders. No wonder it’s all black.”

Correct sentence should be “‘Whoever layeth sight upon this vial shall see the true colour of one’s soul’, say the elders. No wonder it’s all black.”

Explanation : The presence of whoever or whomever indicates a dependent clause. Use whoever or whomever to agree with the verb in that dependent clause, regardless of the rest of the sentence.
Whoever/Whomever layeth sight upon this vial…

He layeth sight upon this vial.So,Whoever is correct

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